


grocery shop duty

by OwlBeDamned



Series: Haikyuu!! Captains Week 2016 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: "Deep" Conversations, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, But nothing TOO explicit I think, Friendship, Grocery Shopping, Haikyuu!! Captains Week 2016, Humor, Innuendos and some stuff you should watch out for, M/M, Shenanigans, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-08 01:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7738756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwlBeDamned/pseuds/OwlBeDamned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:44 A.M.] yeah we're out of milk<br/>[Daddy Thighs, sent at 11:44 A.M.] true. also, um, sorry, but uh...<br/>[Daddy Thighs, sent at 11:44 A.M.] could you buy me some condoms?</p><p>(Or: Oikawa regrets doing grocery shop duty via text, but there's nothing more he regrets than voluntarily signing up to share an apartment with four of the most complex people on the planet.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	grocery shop duty

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 Prompt: "Grocery Shopping" (Aug. 17)

**[sent at 11:22 A.M.]** @ the supermarket

  
**[sent at 11:22 A.M.]** anything we need so i can buy?

  
**[sent at 11:22 A.M.]** you guys can repay me later

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:22 A.M.]** well we do need 2 cartons of eggs

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:22 A.M.]** bc SOMEBODY tried to make a cake and failed majorly

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:22 A.M.]** not once

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:22 A.M.]** not twice

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:22 A.M.]** but THREE TIMES

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:22 A.M.]** leaving us no eggs!!

  
**[sent at 11:23 A.M.]** RUDE, dai-chan!!

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** sawamura is correct, however

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** it would do well if you followed our advice, oikawa

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** personally, you might want to lay off your culinary endeavors

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** for an extended amount of time

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** preferably a permanent period

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** hahahahaha

  
**[sent at 11:23 A.M.]** _fuck you_ , ushiwaka!!!

  
**[sent at 11:23 A.M.]** in fact, fuck ALL of you!! one day i'll become like the best chef in japan and people will rue the day they ever doubted me!!! (middle finger emoji) (middle finger emoji)

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** hahaha 'best chef'??? i have a better chance of winning the lottery than that happening

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:23 A.M.]** hahahahah true broo!!

  
[ **Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:23 A.M.** ] btw can u buy some fish food? two cans'll do

  
**[sent at 11:24 A.M.]** why do u need it?

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:24 A.M.]** to feed his nonexistent pet lizard duhh oikawa isn't it obvious?

  
**[sent at 11:24 A.M.]** tetsu-chan stop it with the sarcasm

  
**[sent at 11:24 A.M.]** even for you it's getting tedious

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:24 A.M.]** wth is that supposed to mean?? :O I am so wounded, oikawa!!

  
**[sent at 11:24 A.M.]** uh huh yeah right

  
**[sent at 11:24 A.M.]** just that then...?

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:24 A.M.]** wait, oikawa. i need to retrieve my grocery list. i am very grateful for your assistance in this matter. i was going to buy the products myself, but seeing as you already doing so, it saves me much time and efficiency.

  
**[sent at 11:24 A.M.]** ...shit

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** i have retrieved it. anyways, i will need you to buy a bottle of yakosa soy sauce, two bags of rice (one medium white grain, one medium brown grain), three packages of nuts (preferably the mixed cashews and chestnuts, but almonds will do), five yogurt boxes, a gallon of water, konbu seaweed, ten pounds of tofu (any is fine, but preferably kohya dofu), 10 pounds worth of chicken legs and wings, 10 pounds of fine-ground beef, some white miso, dried shiitake mushrooms, dark sesame oil, natural cereal, some green tea leaves, fresh ginger, green onions, leeks, potato starch flour, ground curry powder, a few packages of dried soba noodles and some furikake.

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** i think that's about it

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** oh and some orange juice

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** ...

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** ...

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** ...

  
**[sent at 11:25 A.M.]** that's about 'it'? fuck ushiwaka i am just in a grocery store, do u want me to travel around japan for those ingredients??? it's not like i own an airplane or smth and can just travel wherever i wish whenever i want to 

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:25 A.M.]** i believe these can all be found in any store?

  
**[sent at 11:27 A.M.]** 'any store' being somewhere across the globe?? whatever fine i'll see what i can fucking do

  
**[sent at 11:27 A.M.]** gosh ushiwaka your lists are almost as hellish in character as you are

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:27 A.M.]**? thank you?

  
**[sent at 11:27 A.M.]** i'll be hunting down for your stuff, u guys wait before telling me anything else

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:27 A.M.]** ok !!! :D

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:27 A.M.]** will do

 

* * *

 

  
**[sent at 11:40 A.M.]** look ushiwaka the nuts have to go

  
**[sent at 11:40 A.M.]** they r fucking expensive and i am not filthy rich like you, u know

  
**[sent at 11:40 A.M.]** why tf are they so fucking expensive anyway??? don't we like produce nuts too??

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:42 A.M.]** uh i don't think so. we can, but conditions aren't really favorable, so there's a lack of domestic production in the country. the quality also pales in comparison to western nuts, since we only have like four major types harvested. i heard some of our nuts were produced in chiba though?

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:42 A.M.]** wow dadchi u sure do know a lot about ...

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:42 A.M.]** don't you dare

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:42 A.M.]**...deez nuts!

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:42 A.M.]** hahahahaha

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:43 A.M.]** hahahahahah

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:43 A.M.]** you two are so immature i can't fucking believe it

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:43 A.M.]** but you love us

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:43 A.M.]** ;)

 

 **[sent at 11:43 A.M.]** woooow u guys, but that vine is so old 

 

 **[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:43 A.M.]** it's like a year old, oikawa

  
**[sent at 11:43 A.M.]** soooooo old right?? a year is like 1,000 in the internet, dadchi, remember? or do i have to go back to teach you how to fullscreen a video on your phone?

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:43 A.M.]** that was one time!!! and it was the phone's fault too!!

  
**[sent at 11:44 A.M.]** pffttt uh huh yeah totally

  
**[sent at 11:44 A.M.]** ok then, whatever. let's change topics.

  
**[sent at 11:44 A.M.]**...anything else?

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** yeah we're out of milk.

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** true. also, um, sorry, but uh...

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** could you buy me some condoms?

  
**[sent at 11:44 A.M.]**...

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** and y would u need condoms, dear dadchi?? ;) ;)

  
**[Thigh Daddy sent at 11:44 A.M.]** -_- for what else?

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** ohhhh damnnn the buuurn hissses

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** hahahahahaha

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:44 A.M.]** even parents have their needs it seems! ;)

  
**[sent at 11:45 A.M.]** daichi i'm in a GROCERY STORE not in a sex shop

  
**[sent at 11:45 A.M.]** i really regret going on this trip and helping u guys out. why am i so nice??

 

 **[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:45 A.M.]** nice? pffttt

  
**[sent at 11:45 A.M.]** and SAWAMURA DAICHI be a real guy and do your own buying! you r so embarrassed that you've made ME buy all your toys and stuff ever since u got together with refreshing mama

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:45 A.M.]** toys?? :O ...

  
**[sent at 11:45 A.M.]** also isn't this like 6th time this week?!! damn dad, i always knew suga was secretly thirsty but i didn't know it was like _this_!!

  
  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** pleaseoikawa. seriously. just this once and never again.

  
**[sent at 11:46 A.M.]** fine. but on the condition that you don't do it too loudly. we know what you're doing dadchi, but don't make it so obvious all the time.

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** omg finally 

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** PREACH yes !!!

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** so many sleepless nights leading to this moment

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** excuse me?

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** sawamura, the walls are not so thin and neither are your moans

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** :O :O :O ohhhh

  
  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:46 A.M.]** fuck damnn

  
  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:46 A.M.]**!!!

 

 **[sent at 11:46 A.M.]** o m g

  
  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:47 A.M.]** daamn ushijima unconsciously the sass king strikes again

  
  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:47 A.M.]**?

 

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:47 A.M.]** ok

  
  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:47 A.M.]**...are suga and i really _that_ loud?

  
  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:47 A.M.]** Yes

  
**[sent at 11:47 A.M.]** yes

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:47 A.M.]** very

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:47 A.M.]** yes

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:47 A.M.]**...

  
  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:47 A.M.]**...sorry then.

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:47 A.M.]** at least i hope it helps that i'm spending the weekend and all of next week in okinawa with suga, so i won't be here.

  
**[Great Baby Owl sent at 11:48 A.M.]** wooo hoo sounds fun!!! :D are you going scuba-diving too??

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:48 A.M.]** yeah i think! thanks bokuto, i think it will be fun! suga has a whole itinerary planned out anyways.

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:48 A.M.]** enjoy, dadchi!! u do need to relax

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:48 A.M.]** Indeed. Have fun.

  
**[sent at 11:48 A.M.]** awww why didn't you invite me too, dai-chan?

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:48 A.M.]** your presence would kinda be unwanted, no offense, oikawa

  
**[sent at 11:48 A.M.]** ouuuch harsh!

  
**[sent at 11:48 A.M.]** anyways, do you have...any preferences for the condoms?

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:48 A.M.]**...

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:48 A.M.]** well what a nice conversation we're having

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:48 A.M.]**...

  
**[sent at 11:48 A.M.]** what now ushijima?

  
**[sent at 11:48 A.M.]** what? do u want me to buy _you_ a condom too while i'm at it?

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:49 A.M.]** while i am properly prepared today

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:49 A.M.]** the sentiment is appreciated

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:49 A.M.]** :O !!!!

  
**[Thigh Daddy, sent at 11:49 A.M.]**...i didn't know we were having anybody over tonight

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:49 A.M.]**!!!

  
**[sent at 11:49 A.M.]** omfg

  
**[sent at 11:49 A.M.]** i meant it as a joke ushiwaka!!!

  
**[sent at 11:49 A.M.]** wtf!!!

  
**[sent at 11:49 A.M.]** ahhh tmi tmi!!

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:49 A.M.]** now that the subject of boyfriends is on i'm just going to use this chance to say that i'll stay for lunch, but i'll be out tonight so don't expect me until tomorrow late afternoon

  
  
**[Thighs Daddy, sent at 11:49 A.M.]** is it possible to know where?

 

 **[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:49 A.M.]** chiiilll dad, no need to be so overprotective! i'll be heading over to kenma's

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:50 A.M.]** im going to check on him, make sure he's doing all right, and hopefully have a romantic night!!

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:50 A.M.]** ;) ;) nice bro! have fun and enjoy! say hi to him for me! :)

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:50 A.M.]** not like that (and i will bro! :) )

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:50 A.M.]**...although i don't deny it wouldn't be nice...

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:50 A.M.]** but i'm making romantic dinner for both of us and then i guess we'll watch a movie or play mario kart and then we'll cuddle until the next morning and etc

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:50 A.M.]** really disgustingly tooth-rotting stuff

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:50 A.M.]** romcom material

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:5| A.M.]** so oikawa, since kenma probs hasn't done his groceries in a while, could you pls drop by and buy some pasta, scented candles, baking mix (whatever is fine, preferably pie though) and some apples and red wine? cheap is OK

  
**[sent at 11:51 A.M.]** ugggghhh just when i was in line for the cashier tetsu-chan

  
**[sent at 11:51 A.M.]** fine whatever i'll GO AGAIN

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:51 A.M.]** thanks _so much_ oikawa

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:51 A.M.]** i owe you one

  
**[sent at 11:51 A.M.]** more like 10,000 by now pft

  
**[sent at 11:51 A.M.]** ok just to recap

  
**[sent at 11:51 A.M.]** two cartons of eggs, fish food, ushiwaka's huge amount of shit, baking mix, pasta, apples, romantic candles, red wine, milk and...dadchi's condoms.

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** that seems adequate

 

 **[Thighs Daddy, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** sounds good

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** yup that's about right

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** all complete yeaaahh!

  
**[sent at 11:52 A.M.]** my wallet is empty damn you all

  
**[sent at 11:52 A.M.]** u guys better pay me back asap

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** sure bro bud

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** no prob...as soon as i get my pay for my part-time

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:52 A.M.]** of course

  
**[sent at 11:52 A.M.]** ok cool. i'm going to go pay. the cashier looks about to faint looking at how full my cart is. she's probably wishing i went to hell. don't judge her. kinda sorry. i think i'll be back in 30?

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:53 A.M.]** cool! we'll be waiting for ya! i ordered some awesome thai food :) !!!

  
**[Thighs Daddy, sent at 11:53 A.M.]** stay safe. watch where you're going. don't play pokémon go. drive safely. check that you brought everything with you. avoid dark and dangerous situations. safety and health first!

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:53 A.M.]** 30...years hopefully?

  
**[sent at 11:53 A.M.]** wow tetsu-chan i appreciate the love

  
**[sent at 11:53 A.M.]** and that sounds great kou-chan! i knew u were the right housemate ;) thai food is love.

  
**[sent at 11:53 A.M.]** cashier lady is scanning my stuff right now. thaaaanks dad!! appreciate it your love and concern too. i'll totally make sure to avoid dark alleys and whatnot.

  
**[sent at 11:54 A.M.]** but i'll still play some pokémon go. hahahaha you're still upset that i crushed your puny ass and your gym the other day!!! MWAHAHA #TEAMVALORSUCKSMAJORD #TEAMVALORSUCKSATEVERYTHING #TEAMMYSTIC #MYSTICFORTHEWIN #MYSTICISTHEBEST #BRAINSFORTHEWIN

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:54 A.M.]** awwww how come nobody is team instinct??? :(

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:55 A.M.]** tendou is, if it is of any solace

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:55 A.M.]** wwooah really?! great!! i'll talk to him asap. finally a partner in crime for pokémon go! although i think i am almost finishing in persuading akaashi to switch over too.

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:55 A.M.]** btw just a q ushijima

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:55 A.M.]**?

  
**[Devil Incarnate, sent at 11:55 A.M.]** go ahead

  
**[Great Baby Owl, sent at 11:56 A.M.]**...do you top or does tendou?

  
**[Shitty Bedhead, sent at 11:56 A.M.]** wow look at my bro dropping the real existential questions

  
**[Thighs Daddy, sent at 11:56 A.M.]** i can't believe this is being asked.

  
**[sent at 11:56 A.M.]** AHH MY EYEESS THEY BURN WITH THE IMAGE MY MIND IS MAKING

  
**[sent at 11:56 A.M.]** that's it, i'm done, bye.

  
**You** _left the group chat_ : "CAPTAINS, ASSEMBLE! ( ◕‿◕✿)"

 

* * *

 

 **[sent at 11:57 A.M.]** iwa-chan, can i move in with you? 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it and feel free to tell me what you think! 
> 
> I AM SUPER SORRY THAT I AM LATE WITH THE PREVIOUS TWO THINGS. TODAY'S MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL SO I AM SUPER BUSY!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! WILL DO THE PREVIOUS TWO DAYS SOME TIME AFTER!
> 
> P.S. This idea was inspired in the middle of a midnight shower (it's soo hot here where I live, also, I get such spontaneous muse moments), but I didn't have the full power to finish it until I went to the supermarket the next day. Anyways, I was looking at some chips, when I suddenly see at the back of an eye a miniscule package of mixed nuts...that's like $3-$4?! I know that's not a lot, but the currency used here isn't the dollar, so it was really expensive! Thus, the part with Ushijima and Oikawa and the nuts was created, and the story just flowed naturally.


End file.
